I want to be a parent ... just not that kind

Parenting - to me means the two people who will never intentionally disappoint you.

What it means to the parents I have known - they will always disappoint you intentionally or not.

I find myself more and more craving and yearning to be a mother, a parent. I crave it like a fat kid craves cake.

I want to hear a little voice call me mom, bring me home a drawing proudly telling me it's his/her family. I want to have something of my own that can never be taken away.

With all that I am so afraid, afraid because I never ever EVER want to be "that kind" of parent.

I want to show my child/ren the good that this world has to offer, I want him/her to know that no matter what they choose to be, who they choose to be with, no matter the path of life they want to take that my love will always be unconditional, unequivocal and never ending no matter what. I want that for my child/ren because to often in my life I haven't seen that and I know deep in the deepest part of my soul that is what I have been missing all along.......

Wishing better for the future and willing to do my part to make sure that happens....