Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Family - I heard on Oprah from the guy that does the Locator that Family are those who are there for you in the trying times.
I never thought of it like that, my family is my family and through thick and thin I've always had their back, defended them and stood up for them as a whole or individually, against others and sometimes against each other.
Now I find myself in trying times.....and I'm not getting the same I've always given.
There has been a huge gap in communication that in turned has become extremely personal and hateful and dare I say it childish.
I rarely ask for anything from the people I love a) because I don't expect it and b) I can do it myself.
I do on the same accord expect that if I ask for it or show that it is needed (obviously) it just be given and me not have to ask, beg or plead for it.
My parents have now been with me for three weeks. I am not complaining it actually hasn't been the worst thing ... other than the fact that me and the husband are sleeping on the couch the rest is bearable. I'm surprised by it but will admit it is the absolute truth. I actually feel like if I had a two bedroom apartment I would for sure probably suggest that we make it permanent. Being that this is not the case, and they are uncomfortable and voice almost daily how they'd like to be home, I thought (stupid me) that with the help of family we'd get the situation taken care of and boom they are back to what they know.
Now is when the lack/gap of communication ensues. No one speaks to me about what's going on or isn't. I'm not included in an apparent conversation that took place in my own home. I'm not given a courtesy phone call, text message or email. I'm at a lost. So I do what I know how to do best and that's handle it myself. Now if you are lost it's ok I am too.
SO week two comes along, I've heard nothing, I voice that I'm in the dark, to which I spend an hour on the phone defending myself not sure from what or why but that's what I do. Still no information. People blatantly lie to me and still nothing. So on my Birthday (my 31st) I spend the snowy day with my mom at Chemo and my evening trying to keep my cool while my husband is at my parents apartment beginning the process of removing items from their house. He's alone because the person who originally was going to help back off completely. Now I must interject in here that my family knew that he was going over there and as far as I know no one said call me if you need help.
A friend of the family ... had just left my house after staying with my dad while I was at Chemo with Mom and offered to help him. Since he was on his way over that way he said he wouldn't mind helping if it was needed, just so happened that the offer came right when the person who was originally set up to help fell through.....
Well apparently that set off all kinds of waves and motions and craziness which no one is willing to explain or talk about ... other than being rude and dis respectful about it all.....
So now one person is totally offended, speaking ill about my husband and the person who helped, being rude publically and calling people out on nonsense....gamer achievement points REALLY???
The other ones have talons on to defend something that no one really knows what it's all about and then have the audacity to call me out for saying something "on the net" as it was put ... yet again people dishing it but not being able to take it...
The whole "family" is a mess and nothing makes sense. It hurts my heart but more so my feelings and worse my soul because at the end of the day...I know how to live my life alone and not worry about anything or anyone....but they are "family".
I hate madness especially unecessary one... I don't like to be disrespected and I don't like for people to disrespect my husband without merit. I'm all for calling a spade a spade ... but for sure not for the pot calling the kettle black.
I wish I could move to another state tomorrow. Start my life the way I've always wanted to and live it the way I've wanted to always....and just be around for special holidays and the occasional phone call. Too bad my culture doesn't promote that and my conscience won't allow me to do it, not at this very moment at least.....
Here's hoping that brighter clearer days are on the horizon and that as humans we all learn that with a little patience and a little communication the world would revolve much easier and be that much better of a place.....

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